My Life Ramblings

Ok, so I am going to ramble a bit about myself and other stuff. I do an online talk show/interactive chat @ http://scottmatusow.com/radio

a little bit about myself;

I am 44, I have never been married, (and always open and with hope, that one day, the right gal will come along ) hell I do not think I have really ever been in love with any gal. Too busy being a semi Narcisist to love anyone. I thew away 15+ years of my life being a total douche. I was a local “Rock Star” in Vegas way back when. You know, long hair, lots of meaningless sex, tons of booze and drugs, parties galore, you name it, I have prob tried it, except for “experimenting” with another dude, cause I just would never roll that way, heh!

I thought life was just about having a giant party all the time. I did not care for anyone else, and likely did not care about myself all that much either.

This is prob why I can tend to come off hard on other people. It is not that I judge others, but I have a pretty good radar to recognize when someone is living the type of life I used to live. I credit my family for basically helping to save my life, and reading The Bible to give my some perspective on the real stuff in life.

I learned that happiness is not something that is reached for up high, and that depression /sadness is not something to totally reject, also learning never to allow myself to be too low. I learned true happiness in life is what Is done for others, to engage in acts of kindness towards others, especially my own family. If I could change one thing in my life, it would be that at 24, I would have learned what I know to be true now. I guess everyone has their own time, and some of us begin to “figure it out” while others sadly never even truly try.

I have learned the most in my life from watching others, seeing where I am like others, how all of us are alike in some way or another. I often wonder, ” what would it be like to be in their shoes?” I have found that this type of thinking eventually cured my panic and anxiety issues, because I took the focus off of myself, and put it on others. Learning to try to think as others do, to better understand other people. I learned to stop “hating” others and try to forgive others, steping into another person’s shoes to again, try to put myself in their situation. When I did  and do this, I am more accepting of myself, more at ease with things.

Anything I comment about Poker, is really not meant to uttely personally slight anyone, but I feel sometimes I need to make a strong opinion, well, strong! Again, I am truly a “nobody” in this world. Believe me when I say that, and this attitude will never change because this is what peace is all about, inner peace, being content with one’s self and loving towards other people..

Have I figured it all out? Hell no!! Life is about constantly learning, growing, even to the day we all eventually die. How can I improve, so I can help improve others? What can I learn to be a better person in this world?

Why have I wrote this mostly off topic ramble? Because I hope if I can inspire one person to perhaps make a change for the better, seeing that I have; If I can inspire and cheer up at least one person from feeling depressed, give at least one person hope, and understanding that although none of us really matter in the scope of the universe, that we are not “better” but that each life can be meaningful, that our lives do matter on this earth, even if it seems sometimes they do not. That we are more than just flesh and blood, that all of us can do better and have it within us to do so. Remember this, if anyone is reading this and feeling really depressed and down, there is always someone who feels worse, has things tougher.

Thanks for reading!!  Scott P.S I’M NOT ALWAYS SUCH A DRAG MAN! lol!

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